Accidentally Zen and Rampaging Self-Promotion Pressures in a Virtual World

Tags

art, awareness, behavior, Consciousness, creativity, life

It takes all kinds of people to make this diverse soup of a world we live in. Some of us are visionaries and idealists at times and that can cause us pain. We ache for everyone to have freedom and opportunity, including ourselves.

The week end is here and I would dearly just love to chill.  But sometimes there is a need to quietly speak up even if very few have the attention span or interest to listen. We can own our stories and experiences, craft solutions and responses, sending them like little birds out into the ethers and the collective unconscious, standing up for ourselves and for others.

I am not a professional writer, yet this is a subject I am passionate about; once again I am going to express this as best I can here, limiting my focus to something ugly I witness and experience in the virtual world of Second Life.

My avatar spends time in a virtual world because I can socialize and do things that I cannot in the real world. I enjoy sharing some of what I experience in this blog, whether or not it’s up to the standards of those who profess themselves to be arbiters of top shelf tastes. I am friendly and approachable in world and don’t mind people sharing their creations of which they are proud. After all, I’m on the grid to explore and experience.

However I’m not obligated to accept gifts, to promote shops and events and to be back-up for anyone’s stance on anything. I’ve removed this link from my profile but don’t want to make this personal blog private.

It is rather awkward when people do a wham-bam friend request, send me a link to “Hey! Check Out This Stuff!” and don’t do anything more to interact, but I can handle that.  At first I feel embarrassed for people when they pretend to want to get to know me so they can figure out how to fit me into their slick PR campaign. People can be kind of translucent in their goals, even online.

There’s nothing wrong with someone wanting me to embed videos, reblog their promotional posts or even have my blog sponsor their productions per se. When they’re on a roll, it’s even understandable when they have their assistants make repeated requests. But I choose not to do those things and my “no” means “no”. Especially when it has become clear that I am so not considered to be in their league. (And let me be clear–this isn’t even a well-read, well-known blog I have here. Do these people even have any sense of who I am?)

Becoming colder and venomous is not a good strategy with me. And just because I’m not obnoxiously for you, doesn’t mean I’m against you. There really is room for everyone to thrive here; who is keeping score on who’s winning or losing?

Art and creativity to me is something that comes from the heart and soul. It somehow makes the journey to the mind and hands, is expressed and wonderfully, hopefully continues the journey to the hearts and souls of others.

Sure, it can be calculated by some. Surveys taken, trends sniffed out, tipping points managed. The recording industry has been doing that for years.  It’s a tough world and who am I to question how others obtain their success.

My modus operandi is usually to skirt around issues, give the benefit of the doubt and avoid drama when humans behave badly. In context, I usually count on them eventually having the dawn rise on alienating behavior.

And I guess I’ve incorrectly assumed that most everyone knows that those who are blatant, relentless perfectionists are carrying some very deep shame. Denigrating and coldly denouncing the imperfect expressions of others is a cry for help in my book. When someone is that harsh with others, how can they not be tormenting themselves on some level? When they must spend the most on their pixels, work so hard to project an image and brand and make sure I GET IT how superior they are, I just have to shake my head.

I am here to relax and play. And not with mean, toxic people who attempt to manipulate me into doing their bidding. Just whatever the fuck gives anyone the impression for long that I am lost and looking to be someone’s minion?

In some conversations, the subjects are mostly about the other party and their agendas. I am a kind person; I can overlook that for a while. But of course, in time, I will avoid being in proximity of that. I am not using my leisure time to validate anyone when obviously nothing will ever, ever, ever be enough support to fill whatever void there is in them.

It was painful to me to witness brilliant friends with so-called handicaps and disabilities disrespected. One friend is highly respected in his field, a researcher with a Doctorate, has a high I.Q., and has successfully maintained positions of great responsibility. More importantly, he is kind with a sense of humor. Less significantly to me, he also has Parkinson’s. I am not giving up on my dream of virtual worlds being accessible and friendly for everyone, whatever their ability and inclination.

With the problems the world is facing, we need input from everyone. Oh how far we could go if people and their contributions, individually and in teams, were treated with a little more reverence. If we didn’t feel entitled to just rip off their stuff and run without a fair exchange of compensation, if we could acknowledge the support they give us as being enough and good enough, if we just let go of paying attention to what doesn’t resonate with us for the time being instead of comparing out loud how awesome our stuff is and how bad their creativity and expression sucks.

With all my flaws, humanity and imperfections, I get to choose what I like, who and what I support and I get to tune out toxic bullies. Go ahead, keep using your methods and good luck with it all. I hope you eventually find the peace, fulfillment, SLebrity fame or whatever it is you’re seeking. But I am not going to be a cog in anyone’s success machine.

And those Great Unwashed you disdain? Just who is perfect enough to be your audience?

So, accidentally Zen? I’ve never formally studied Zen but I think those who have been practicing for decades have wafted it into the collective and made it easier for us all to tap into if we so wish. And I keep running into the subject in novels and such, realizing I have somehow found my way into many of the concepts quite by accident. “Oh, I understand that!”

Except when I become passionate about something such as the right for everyone to make art, and write and create things themselves if they so choose instead of being limited to supporting the unsustainable and insatiable needs of others.

The photos here were taken on the road somewhere near the East River Community on the continent of Sansara in May of 2014.

And now this blog will go back to it’s regularly scheduled programming.

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Million Units of Intel for the Home Multiverse

Tags

Consciousness, Story Telling

I’ve been gathering a million more units of intel for my home mulitverse this year.

I’m not here for a lesson, as a punishment, to rescue or to teach but to observe and then send the impressions and information home.

The mission is going very well. 😉

Aspirational

Tags

awareness, Consciousness, Health, learning

Our personal environments such as homes, desks and cars can reflect what our interior selves are like, whether it be our minds, moods, energy systems or some combination of them. Some organizational and de-cluttering professionals point out that much of our excess stuff is “aspirational”. We aspire to be the kind of person who’s into fine wine or the kind of person who productively writes or the kind of person who consistently takes care of our body with exercise and physical movement.

A dictionary definition of “aspriational” is rather limited, indicating a social climbing focus. Since we’re all so diverse, we all aspire to different things for different reasons, which may not appear to be social climbing to others at all.

The metaverse can be a playground and canvas for us to explore aspirational aspects. The above photo reflects how I’d like to have my interior self organized sometimes. I wouldn’t want to literally live in a place like this in first life for very long; my inner processing would quickly alter it.

This is my London skybox apartment in Second Life. It’s very tidy, serene, spacious and everything is in it’s place. It has little in common with my first life except for the white walls with lots of art. Tomorrow, I’ll show a photo that much better reflects the landscape of my mind at times. I’ve been sitting on it and three others for several months now and I wasn’t going to share because I feel it’s very revealing of aspects of myself, some that are often misunderstood and unappealing to others.

But what the hell; now I find it rather amusing. If you happen to read this post, maybe it will bring you to some reflection of your own life. And if you want to share, whether it be something about your first or Second Life, this is an invitation to do so.

Maybe the New CHUI Isn’t So Bad

Tags

blogging, Consciousness, Pandemonium, RolePlay, Second Life Viewer, Victorian, Wren Alcyone

Book reading and signing for “Vampyre No More”

“Vampyre No More”. Pearl laughs!

The new communications hub for the Second Life Viewer was released less than a week ago and I was a little upset at yet another change to deal with. My main concern was being overwhelmed during roleplay. Things are amping up in my real life, I’m not getting enough sleep, I feel impatient with the rate of social and evolutionary change and the part of my brain that shifts from the cosmic into “mouselook” to deal with changes in how stuff works was not happy.

I’m excited to be involved in a new roleplay sim, Pandemonium, and I’ve had an opportunity to play using the CHUI about four times. Last night I attended an Aristocrat’s Ball there and maybe eleven other people were in attendance at one point. Only once have I posted a private IM into the In-Character local chat and it wasn’t too bad. I do get distracted when too many conversations are going on for me but it was like that before. I’ve usually had difficulty in keeping up.

Last week I had my first pro photoshoot for my profile and several picks.  The photographer was Peep Sideshow (not to be confused with the Victorian Freak Show roleplay photo above) and the whole experience went very well; I got the finished photos the day before the CHUI was released and I was relieved about the timing; I’ve since calmed down. I’m using my profile photo as my new Gravitar and I really like it.     The new roleplay has been rich with writing and story so far and the excellent  roleplayers have been including me to an appropriate degree, staying out of my IM box, not being nosy and even the bad guys are witty and amusing. So far.

I’ve also moved into a skybox. All the other places I’ve lived in have been roleplay homes in different time periods–Medieval/Fantasy, Victorian or Cyber-Grunge. I’ve made time to read blogs and have a growing list going of places I want to visit when I’m less busy. I’ve also read many of the pet peeve meme posts and have since turned off my shoe sound. I don’t miss it, although I felt comforted by it when I could hear the sound as I was walking around inworld. No one ever complained to me about it although I did see shoe clicking mentioned in profiles that were otherwise so pissy and whiney about so many things that I didn’t care.

This blog was born out of the frustration and downtime of my Second Life not going  so well and it isn’t my main priority. Engagement with others is a priority for me, wherever that’s happening, although I do want a record of my Second Life. I have drafts with photos; posts will be published when I find time to write, in a lag-like way.

Lately I haven’t been examining and philosophizing my Second Life so closely; I feel much more clear about my focus there as I do in my first life and that’s wonderful. I feel like I’ve moved to a different level and am not in a review cycle right now; instead I’m in a creating/exploring part of the cycle. It all works better when I don’t struggle with where I’m at or compare it to where others are.

Life is good.

On Self-Authority, Drama, Being Upfront and The Big Silence

Tags

awareness, Consciousness, drama, life, Pearl Grey, values

The Seven SL Facts About Me meme posts have been interesting for me to read. I would have liked to participate but I’ve had an attack of real life keeping me busy lately. Fortunately, I had a bunch of posts about the Meta_Body II scheduled so I didn’t feel that my blog was floating into oblivion.

I take the time to read a lot of blogs about SL. I really appreciate the diversity of paths for people to take, whether in the real or virtual world. The posts about “this is how it is for me now” are great .  Suggestions and ideas about how SL can be a better experience for us all are great. But when someone writes about what we all “should” be doing, I lose interest quickly. Being told what’s right and what’s wrong seems so old-age, last millennium and boring to me. These messages are everywhere in our media and certainly don’t bring out a feeling of compliance in me. But hey, if you think it’s working for you, go for it.

One area in which people have opinions about what we “should” do is in regard to our profiles. No matter what I do, someone eventually comes along to critique my profile. The most recent being that my profile is harsh. From my point of view, it was a kindness to give a head’s up that I would walk away from drama and rudeness. Some of the people I’ve met seem to have no idea about social skills or possibly how to be pleasant enough to spend a little time with. Life can’t be easy for them, whether real or virtual.   

Arguing and drama in a virtual reality is a waste of time and energy and isn’t worth bothering with for me. In the real world, I’m a grown up; I stand up, deal and take responsibility on a daily basis. By the time I log on, I’m in no condition to be a therapist or referee or dumping ground. I certainly don’t want to go along with anyone else’s dictates about how much attention I should give to drama.  Is it efficient to keep that a big mystery and let people find that out after time and attention has been invested?

I tend to like the up front approach instead of the big silence approach. Some of the places I go have lots of residents around and I do get IM’s; I’m shy, but friendly. Often the other person goes suddenly silent after a sort of interview and I no longer wonder why that happens. I don’t know the secret handshake or give them the magic word, maybe. It’s always someone who’s approached me first. A conversation or friendship has to be a two way street for me and I let people go when they seem too ambivalent. When people honestly communicate what’s going on, I respect and appreciate it but I don’t like to make assumptions.

In this post, I’m making liberal use of “for me” and “I”, which may not be good writing but whatever it’s like in your shoes and seeing from your perspective is something I can’t claim any authority on. How could I presume to tell you what you “should” do and be?

A few weeks ago, I was changing Pearl’s outfit yet again in the Linden Home of a friend. The phone rang and I left the room for a few minutes. When I returned to my laptop I had an IM from a resident, (who’s also a blogger!), telling me to “get the hell out of here”. Maybe the account was hacked? There’s a few other  possibilities that flitted through my mind, none of which I took personally or thought was any of my business. Some other day I might have felt differently.

That kind of thing is tedious and I simply went on with what I’d been doing; the account has since been banned from my friend’s Linden Home even though we have no idea if the resident was actually in the home or even nearby at all.

Someone has just given me a Flight Feather that I found easy and fun to use. I’m delighted when people give me little gifts (except for red roses which tend to make me feel awkwardness and dread). In the photo above, Cyber-Grunge Pearl flew up to a previously unreachable area of the Victorian Steampunk roleplay sim where she resides part-time.

The person behind the avatar carried on with choosing for herself what to pay attention to and how to play this game of being human on planet Earth.

Million Satisfactory Resolutions

Tags

Azuchi Island, blogging, Consciousness, destinations, Photos

Bamboo forest path on Azuchi Island.

Million Satisfactory Resolutions

My human certainly isn’t going to change the name of our blog since she’s aware of the mess it’s caused some others who’ve done so. She had a purpose besides fun and escape when we became residents in SL, began blogging and named this blog Million Happy Endings. Recently she read this quote by way of Pinterest:

“There are no happy endings.

Endings are the saddest part,

So just give me a happy middle

and a very happy start.” —Shel Silverstein

Brilliant trees on the Asian themed sim that is said to have shops and a role play area.

We don’t always get to choose our starts. We can learn from happiness but most of our growth seems to come from challenges and finding solutions, discovering higher levels of truth, learning to make better choices and such. Finding resolution and closure.

Pearl just wanted to wander and be, instead of shopping or checking out roleplay.

Higher Awareness and Growth can be quite painful

It’s often been said that you can’t solve a problem at the level it was created. When I reach a higher level of clarity and truth, of course I appreciate it. But it takes a lot of work to get focused on the facts of what was, what was incorrect and then to choose a better way without getting freaked out with who or what to blame. Life can appear to be very unfair and I’m one of those overly ambitious souls who loaded this lifetime with extreme challenges and apparent unfairness.

Most of my fellow humans struggle with this too. Crying over spilled milk, repining, grieving over losses, betrayal, manipulations and being lied to and cheated by the institutions we’ve given power and resources to in order for all of humanity to be served. Each one of us has different skill levels at moving through this so we can get to the part where we have the equanimity to take effective action and move on. Some never make that journey in this lifetime.

It can be quite shocking to learn that much of what you’ve been taught is wrong as the illusions fall away. Not a journey for the faint of heart.

In the rush and noise of the world, I need to remember to pause and acknowledge the little healings, clearings and the satisfactory resolutions that are for right now.   

Visit to the Virtual World of Lost Paradise

Tags

Consciousness, creativity, destinations, Lost Paradise

Lost Paradise Welcome Center

Welcome Center

Lost Paradise

Pink Floyd ~ Dark Side of the Moon area

Lost Paradise

There are changes and progress in Lost Paradise since I last entered that virtual world. Taking a tour, there were new buildings and some new shops under construction. I like the architectural details the best.

It appears to be a calm and orderly world, someone’s plan and vision that they’ve followed through on and are maintaining. My vision is quite different; I’m not planning or following through though.

Judgement and Value

Living in the culture I do and spending a fair amount of attention online it seems typical when everyone’s a critic and everyone supposedly gets to have an opinion, that I can give an automatically jaded and hurried glance over someone else’s creativity.

Lately as I’m gaining more clarity about what interests and nourishes my soul, I’ve been able to pay attention to my ego’s first response to things. Instead of censoring myself immediately, because my response is unkind, envious, disgusted or whatever, I look at it simply as information.

Does my response mean the thing or idea is something I’d like to explore further? Or that it isn’t for me although it’s fine that exists in the world? Or that it isn’t for me right now?

I actually practice considering these things and re-frame my criticism/judgement in my mind to a more inclusive and tolerant wording and feeling. How silly and human of me to look down on stuff that other people bring into the world when I’m not even doing something similar. I know for a fact that almost everything I attempt is a lot more difficult, takes longer and costs more than I’d imagined.

Hopefully I’ll be paying attention enough to wear a little groove in my new way of looking at things before this gets lost in the immensity of life’s details.

Not Shopping Today Either

Tags

awareness, Consciousness, learning, Story Telling, values, Writing, writing

Not Standing Next To The Bullshit.

“Katia continues with her writing and the dishes remain soaking, the sheets remain unchanged and the time moves on. She actually has to remind herself that this is not a failure; she really cannot be in more than one place at one time. The horrors of taking on the energy of others, the horrors of people who felt overwhelmed by duties making her feel a failure because they focused on what she hadn’t done instead of what she had accomplished for them. It’s in her cells and nervous system now. Whatever choice she has made, a part of her could say that it was the wrong one; she has been programmed.

There are people and organizations she can finally see clearly as her oppressors, those she wanted to please and could be easily manipulated by with the withholding of appreciation and approval. They’d wrung everything out of her that they could because it was the way the world worked in places. They thought that they deserved it to make up for what had been done to them, for their losses and for their conditioning of overwhelm, for Katia’s stupidity for actually caring and mostly because they didn’t have the blessing and curse of feeling what it’s like to be someone or something else.

They give her nothing now; they do nothing for her but make noise in her life. She no longer cares what they think of her; she thinks of them rarely at all. What of value can they withhold from her now, when she turns and walks away?”

The Discerning of Appropriate Information

Tags

awareness, choices, Consciousness, learning, Story Telling, values, Writing

Time Out

“Right now it is shining more than the enormous amount of frightening, yet also dull information and the distractions and the conflicting opinions bouncing around her world. She can look at it and put it in a simple, beautiful container in her mind and practice—next step, next step, next step– and then move to play with the simplicity of another beautiful container that holds what is her own chosen priority.

Almost everything she’s been taught about living has been wrong. She has to write her own manual now and it is a great responsibility and a great adventure. It is clunky and awkward work. Many mistakes are made. It is like having to transform into another species with no appropriate elder to explain the process and the signs and gently point out the wheat from the chaff. She moves between feeling the trembling of her hands working with the material of the moment and pausing to listen to the soft voice amongst the cacophony and babble of the world. Sometimes, for a brief moment she can attend to both.  It takes a lot of energy yet it appears to look like nothing is being accomplished to those mostly focused in the third dimension. There’s no more time to try to explain.

She has been saved by her ego many times; she can see that now. That ego that has been pointed out with head shaking and frowning scorn by the well-meaning when she didn’t stay in the line, get with the program, keep up with the pace, do it the way it worked for them in their shoes and on their path with their resources.  Only one reality, they seemed to think, and the one belonging to the most intimidating, the most rich, the most confident, arrogant, complacent and smooth is the one that wins. Sometimes that looked like the only game in town.”

Changes Behind the Scenes

Tags

awareness, Consciousness, life

Sometimes you just don’t have all the information and you have to be patient.