I enjoy writing this blog; it’s one of the easier things I do.
My day got derailed today because of things that went wrong, things that set back my work. It’s taken care of now, which is why I can write about it. Compared to what millions of others are dealing with on the planet, it’s likely trivial and in the overall, big picture it will barely register. It didn’t send me into a panic but it effectively shut me down for a few hours. I chose “freeze” in the fight, flight or freeze response mode.
I don’t use the label, PTSD, and I’m one of those people who refuse to take medications. I do recognize that I’ve come a long way because I didn’t go into blaming. Also I remembered that this too would pass. I didn’t go into useless questioning about why I ever bother to do anything at all.
O.K., so I went out and had a fast-food lunch and took my credit card into a retail store, although I got a grip and didn’t purchase something I don’t need and don’t have room for. If this were easy for me I wouldn’t be writing about it, now would I? Tomorrow I’ll likely get back on track with my rewiring and brain plasticity thing. I’ll give myself a break.
One thing that made a huge difference was getting some tech help from someone who was calm and didn’t overtly or subtly let me know that he thinks I’m an idiot who shouldn’t be allowed to touch things with moving parts. Truly people, don’t underestimate the power and influence you might have in the way you respond to others.
In my roleplay time yesterday evening, Pearl Grey was in the Legacies 1891 sim. She and the new Apothecary assistant went to TornOak, hauled seaweed out of the ocean and spread it out on the grass to dry in the sun. Then they went salmon fishing, using dice rolls to help determine their results. There was some slipping and falling on the rocks, scrapes and cuts and the brandy bottle was washed out to sea due to some critical fails. Salmon oil was magically extracted from the fish, put into stoppered vials and the fish were released. This is all in preparation of making a cream for part Mer folks and those with scaled or tough skin.
The assistant was a good sport. This isn’t the sort of roleplay that most folks seem to enjoy but it was a soothing and successful break for me. As is showing up here and writing, even though I’m no longer sure about proper punctuation or if I’m making any sense. I believe I’ve posted about 40 days in a row now and it isn’t the number that pleases me but the fact that I haven’t given in to writing any rants.